What they don't tell you..

When people find out you're going to have a kid, they tend to give you a run down of all the ways your life will change, at least for the first couple years. You won't be sleeping much. You won't be going out much. You'll be doing tons of laundry. You'll be spending a ton of money on diapers. You'll be tired all the time. You'll never get to carry that tiny little purse again. You'll need three suitcases for a weekend away from home...just for the baby.

The list can go on and on and on. It's like they want to make sure you really know what you're in for. You listen politely and think how those things won't bother you or your experience will be different some how. Once you have the baby, you realize they weren't kidding, and for the most part, all predictions come true. But I've recently been thinking about ways my life has changed that no one warned me about:

• Since Lillian has become independently mobile, it's been months since I've been able to use the bathroom on my own. She follows closely on my heels and insists on being present. On the rare occasion she doesn't notice I'm heading that direction, she's there knocking or even opening the door within a few seconds. But I guess since I'm present as we work with her on potty training, it's only fair.
• I'm finding it increasingly difficult to find clothes that don't have a stain of some sort from yogurt, jelly, peanut butter, dirty shoes, M&Ms, etc...for me, not just her. Try as I might to catch them before they get washed and dried in, at least once a week, I inevitably have a day when I get completely dressed only to realize my shirt or pants aren't actually "clean" and I have to change.
• I haven't had an entire treat or dessert all to myself for the longest time. Even if she has her own, exact same treat, mine just looks so much better. And switching with her doesn't seem to make any difference. After switching, she realizes she was actually ok with what she had in the first place or I get a stern, "No, Mommy! That's mine!" if I take a bite.
• Erik and I have both become in-house jungle gyms. Whether we're on the floor, a couch, the siesta sak, or a regular ol' chair, she's not content to sit beside us or even quietly on a lap. She has to be standing up (cause of dirty shoe prints on my pants), crawling all over us, and bouncing with her endless energy. Some days I think she would thrive in a bouncy house, or at the very least, it would remove the need to use us as the trampoline.
• Teething SUCKS! This one is a little surprising for me. I can't believe no one ever mentioned this. Maybe she's just extra grumpy compared to other kids, but I sure wish someone would have told me my darling angel would become a holy terror that I don't even recognize and that some days, I would like to hang her by the ankles until all her teeth have poked their ugly heads through. Do Mormons do exorcisms? 'Cause I'm about to that point.
• When eating out, there is no way to make the correct decision. Not on where to go or anything like that. I mean when it comes to ordering Lily food. Our mistake here, of course, is trying to make decisions based on past experiences. No matter what we order her, it turns out we should have ordered something else...even if she chooses it. Remembering that last time, we ordered her one thing or another and she really wanted something else, we order the something else. But the only thing consistent about her eating habits is her inconsistency. Order Mac and Cheese? She'd rather have eggs. Order fries and nuggets? She'd rather have a grilled cheese. Order pizza? She'd rather eat daddy's chicken alfredo. But order her nothing and just plan on sharing? Not gonna happen...she wants the entire plate.
• Every errand I run takes me at least twice as long with Lillian than it would without. I leave the house planning on stopping at threes places and usually end up only going to one because I'm so exhausted from the first place. I'm not saying she doesn't behave; she's actually pretty good most of the time. But after 30 minutes of "what ya doin'?" and wanting to walk only on the colored tile and wanting to look at everything at eye level and having to say hello and good-bye to every item in the store, I'm ready to go home.

The changes Lillian has brought to my life definitely aren't all bad...I certainly don't want to give that impression. She's taught me to take pleasure in the simplest of things.

• A couple weeks ago, Laddie came in to give her a good night kiss, so he gave me one, too. She laughed hysterically about it for 10 minutes. And how can you not laugh yourself when she's giggling like that?
  
• After I had painted my toenails a beautiful (honestly, it's quite atrocious) shade of green, she noticed the next day when I took off my shoes. She sat and stared at my toes for a good five minutes. Sometimes I wish the world was such an amazing place to me, but seeing things through her eyes is helping me appreciate all those little things.
• I've rediscovered how much I actually like PB&J sandwiches. Since we make her at least one a day, I've started having them for snacks myself, and I'd forgotten how much I actually like them! I think I just had bad memories of the school lunch version...
• She has absolutely no fear.While this could become a bad thing later on, I find it sort of inspiring. I'm the biggest whimp when it comes to trying something new or leaving my comfort zone. Since she doesn't have a comfort zone, it's not even an issue. There are some days I would so love to be like that, and I even think I'll give it a try. Then I chicken out again. But maybe someday I'll get an ounce of the bravery she has.
  

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Monkey see...

Lillian has hit that age where she does everything we do, and I've realized I need to be a little more careful...mostly when I'm driving. A few weeks ago, while waiting behind another car to turn left, she says, "Go away, car!" Apparently I can get a little impatient when waiting for a left turn, but I promise: it's only when people are too chicken to go when there's a GINORMOUS opening.

Then, this morning, we were stopped at the same light (again, waiting to turn left). When the light turned green, the car across the intersection that was going straight didn't budge. I probably could have turned at least twice before his bumper even crossed the crosswalk. Since I hate when other drivers gun it to turn left when I, as the person going straight, have the right of way, I waited for him to FINALLY move forward - although apparently, I didn't wait silently. I don't remember exactly what I said, but my guess is it was something close to "Come on, Dude. Gosh." That's my guess because that's what Lillian said about a minute later...and most of the way to Hyde Park.

She's getting too smart for her own good...

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Priorities

Lily: What ya doin', Daddy?

Erik: I'm going to...HUG you!

Lily: Daaaadddyyyy...no want it!

Erik: You don't want a hug?

Lily: No.

Erik: What do you want?

Lily: Yogurt!

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Easter Weekend

Our Easter weekend was full of activity this year. Baby Animal Day happened to be the same weekend, so Erik's family came up to attend with us. Lillian and Addison had a great time checking out all the animals. Addison was able to hold a lamb, and they both got to hold some chicks. It was a lot of fun with Lillian this year since she could actually identify most of the animals and make their sounds. After a day at the farm, we came back to the house where the girls hunted for some eggs and got their baskets from Grandma and Grandpa. (Boy, does she know how to shop!)


On Sunday, Lillian found the her basket left by the Easter Bunny and enjoyed all the goodies before church. After church, we headed down to Springville for Easter dinner and birthday festivities. My mom went all out with the decorating (so cute!), and we had a delicious ham dinner (sans onions, of course). We all found our baskets and dug into the candy, and then Lillian went outside to find the rest of the eggs. It was such a gorgeous day, thank goodness, and she was able to play outside and have some fun with Nana jumping off the big tree stump in their backyard.


It seems like Lillian enjoyed all the festivities so much more this year. She knew about the Easter Bunny and was able to actually help decorate eggs. She's getting to the age where she understands so much more of what's going on, so holidays are that much funner. And she's had so much fun playing with all the fun goodies from her myriad of baskets.

Easter is probably my favorite holiday. It's kind of a weird favorite, I know. For adults, there isn't much hype...commercially, it's more for the kids with the focus on the Easter Bunny. And I think most adults prefer Christmas. Not being much of a winter fan, I guess I've kind of gravitated toward the spring version of Christmas...and when you think about it, that's what Easter is. We celebrate the re-birth of our Savior, and really, without that re-birth, the original birth doesn't mean as much. Plus, in all the hustle and bustle surrounding Christmas, the real reason for the celebration tends to get lost. Since Easter tends to be more low-key, it's easier to focus on the resurrection aspect and reflect on what it really means (although having Fast Sunday on a Feast Day is a little odd, I will admit). Easter songs are the only songs I actually choke up singing in church. Maybe it's because we only sing them once a year, which is an absolute shame, but they always get me. I'll admit, I don't decorate as much as I do for other holidays and the preparations don't last nearly as long as for Christmas, but personally, it means so much more to me. I'm so grateful for my Savior and all he does for me. And I hope as Lillian continues to grow and learn, I'll be able to show her my appreciation for his sacrifice and she'll come to love Easter as much as I do.

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New Couch

Almost seven years ago, Erik and I did our first bout of furniture shopping. As a wedding present, his grandma gave us $1000, and we decided to buy a living room set. It took us all of maybe an hour and one stop to find what we wanted...and at a great deal, too. Sofa, love seat, and coffee table (with a Formica top - how I LOVED that table) - all within our budget.

The great thing was that after wandering around the store for that hour, we consulted with each other and discovered that the set we ended up purchasing was the favorite for both of us. I've heard that you will have a good indication of how your marriage will go if you just go furniture shopping together. I figured it was a good sign. :) But this never happens for me; I almost always gravitate towards the most expensive item in a store, so the fact that my first choice was in our budget was AMAZING. But I've come to discover that, with furniture, the most expensive items are often the most tacky in the store, and I wouldn't put them in my home if the store paid me what they expect me to pay them for the same item.

The day our overstuffed green couches arrived, I was so excited - especially when we realized the throw pillows came as a package deal. Looking back, it was something so silly to get excited about, but I honestly didn't realize the pillows were included. I just assumed they were part of the display the furniture store uses so it doesn't feel like a big warehouse with rows and rows of sofas. You know: Coffee table? Check. Lamps? Check. Fake flowers? Check. Weird art sculpture I can't imagine anyone would purchase? Check. Pillows? Check, check.

The couches and awesome coffee table (supposedly ding and dent, but we never did find anything wrong with it) fit perfectly in our living room, and they went through several configurations in the four years we lived there. When we moved to our townhouse, there was barely room for the couches in our tiny living room, so we gave up the coffee table. But even though the couches took up every square inch of space, we kept them. Mostly because they were comfy and still in good condition, but also because we doubted we'd be able to find such a good deal and still have the same amount of seating.

Recently, I decided they took up too much space. I hate feeling cramped, and while we don't spend a ton of time in the living room, it was beginning to get to me. So I took to the internet to find a better solution. The first viable solution I found was a sectional on the website of a local furniture store. Prices weren't listed, so I set about finding how much other places may be asking for the same thing. I found the EXACT same couch online and realized I didn't really want to pay that much. Just out of curiosity, I decided to check out walmart.com. We need to make sure Erik stays in a job, after all. They actually had something very similar for quite a bit less, but I decided to keep looking. Then, that very next week in the Sunday paper, another local furniture store had a sectional in the style I wanted for less than half the price of the original one I had fallen in love with. I was sold!

Imagine my disappointment when we went to look at it and couldn't find it anywhere in the store. We finally asked, and they had sold out of them already. But another shipment was due in about a month. Oh...and all but four were sold already. So, without any more information than a picture and the apparent recommendation of the people who had been lucky enough to see it in person, we bought it.

Six weeks later, it was delivered Monday, complete with throw pillows and ottoman. :)


It opens up our downstairs so much and (luckily) the sage color was close to what our other couches were anyway (I like change in baby steps), so it worked with everything else in the room already.

Of course, I now have two couches sitting in my garage without any prospects. So if you know anyone in need a of sofa/love seat set, send them my way. We'll make them a deal! (On a semi-unrelated note: for those who watch my tweets, on Monday I (rhetorically) asked if anyone wanted to buy them, and some random twitter-er placed them on a twitter classified board and acted like he'd done me a favor. Um....thanks, I guess?)

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Who was that person?

Bedtime at the Schaelling household has been rather traumatic lately. Lillian's cutting her canines, so that could be the cause of the grumpiness (although Tylenol doesn't seem to make much of a difference for longer than half an hour). It could also just be that she's two. Or maybe it's a combination of the two. Whatever the cause, we've had a hard couple days.

Now, I consider myself a fairly level-headed, patient person. Yes, there are times when I get riled up about one thing or another, but I'm still able to keep my temper in check and just control my reaction in general. But Lillian seems to know just what buttons to push, and as awful as it sounds, she can bring out the worst in me. Suddenly, I'm yelling and throwing things and definitely not helping the situation any. I guess you could call it my version of the Incredible Hulk.

This was the case tonight. After several days of yo-yoing between her being angelically happy and not being able to make her happy, even after giving her what she wanted (Lily: I want an apple. After receiving the apple: NO WANT IT!!!), I guess the deep breaths stopped working. While wrestling with her (she's surprisingly strong) to get her pajamas on, I finally had to leave the room because I was sure someone was going to get hurt. Erik gave it a try with marginally better success although she did end up alone in her room until she was done with her tantrum.

When she finally calmed down enough to come find me, I was sitting on the couch where I'd just finished crying (frustration, guilt, and exhaustion all finally spilled over). The look on her face when she realized I'd been crying too almost broke my heart. She stopped in the middle of her sentence and said, "Sorry, mommy" and gave me a pat on the arm. We went and rocked for a while, and I apologized, too. After a few minutes in silence, she reached up and touched my face and said sorry again. It was just so sweet and heart breaking at the same time. I'm supposed to be the parent and here she was comforting me.

This whole parenting thing is so much harder than I ever expected. Does anyone know who they really are until they become a parent? I'm not sure I did. And now that I'm starting to see that person, is it the person I really want to be? I hate myself every time I yell at her. There are some days I wish we could always be with other people because I seem to hold it together so much better when others are around. I try so hard to reign in the temper I never knew was so close to the surface, but there are times it just rips through and I'm left wondering, "Who was that person?" I'd so much rather not lose it at all than have to apologize afterward, and some days, I actually succeed. But when I fail, I FAIL. It's all or nothing, apparently.

I guess all I can do is continue to try and hope she doesn't end up scarred for life or afraid of me. I know this phase will pass eventually (the days are long, but the years are short :) ), but I hope I can get a little better at handling it before the next incarnation hits, as I'm sure it will.

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Half Sleep Walking

When we first converted Lillian's crib to a toddler daybed, she wouldn't get out of it on her own. She'd sit and play with her babies and blanket until she was ready to get out, and then she'd start yelling for one of us to come get her. I thought it was kind of funny, but I was fine knowing she wasn't going to wander around the house at night or anything.

But eventually, she figured out how to do it all on her own. This has been kind of nice, too, since she just gets out when she's ready and goes about her day. She also climbs in on her own when she's upset and want to wallow in self-pity. (Like last night... Oh.My.Gosh. We had the break down to trump all break downs last night.)

While this independent thing is great most of the time, it's not so fabulous at 2 in the morning, or even at 11 at night after I've just fallen asleep. She's developed this habit of coming to get me if she wakes up in the middle of the night. I don't know if this is something that can be inherited, but I can remember frequently waking up my mom to have her tuck me in again. And since I don't remember her ever being put out by it, I take my cue from her and quickly get over the initial shock of being woken from a deep, sound sleep and walk Lily back to her room for another 30-second rock and a re-tuck.

But last night, apparently she thought it was some sort of game and must have enjoyed watching me stubble down the hall, half asleep, sans glasses. I think maybe she was putting items in my path before coming to get me, just to see if I could complete the obstacle course each time. It must have been a huge disappointment for her, though, since I don't remember stepping on anything or stubbing my toe (which I've very prone to do - I did it about four times on the bed in Jackson).

In the end, I put her back in bed four times. The fifth time she walked in, I told her I wasn't doing it any more and to go back to bed. She went to the other side of the bed and asked Erik, which was her best idea of the night, really, since I didn't hear from her again.

Hopefully, my skillfulness at navigating the house while still half asleep impressed her enough last night that she doesn't need to see it again because even though I probably only lost a grand total of maybe half an hour of sleep, I feel like I didn't sleep at all.

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