Just a little glow

So I've never been a tanner, not that kind any way. I've never had a desire to pay to put on weird goggles and lie on what looks like a very uncomfortable bed under UV lights for something that is completely and totally free. Don't take this to mean I'm an SPF freak, though. (Although, I probably should be, especially as I continue to inch closer and closer to 30. I'm sure my skin would appreciate it.) Admittedly, this means that my tan usually has several layers with my arms and neck getting fairly dark by the end of summer, my legs having a little color, and a lighter layer that outlines my swimsuit. Since the number of times I'm actually in swimsuit is pretty few and far between, I don't stress about it too much.

Last year, we had one of those coupon cards for some local organization with all sorts of discounts. One included a Buy One, Get One Mystic Spray Tan. As our May cruise approached, I was SO tempted to use it. I did some research to see what to expect. It seemed simple enough: stand in a booth and get sprayed with a mist. A few hours later, gorgeous tan. But I never did do it. I'd used self-tanners before and as hard as you might try, you always miss a spot or you use too much and turn orange. I just decided I didn't want to risk looking like a Cheeto in my cruise pictures. I opted instead to go on our cruise in my normal post-winter paleness. After the cruise (and once the sunburn faded from the spots my spray-on sunscreen missed), I had a beautiful tan. You could still see my tan line this spring, actually.

Here we are again, getting ready to go on another cruise. This time however, it's after summer, so I've had the chance to get a little color. Which, as I mentioned, means I have a couple different levels of tan depending on where you look. I had resigned myself to this and figured one good "Fun Day @ Sea" would probably adjust any inconsistencies and I'd be good to go.

Then Tina, a fellow cruiser I happen to work with, sent me an email. "I'm getting a mystic tan," she said. "It's BOGO on Mondays. I also have a coupon if you can't go today. Would you be interested in using it?" I thought about it, remembering all the reasons I opted out last time. But I was still EXTREMELY tempted. I figured, at least we'd look like Cheetos together if it turned out bad, right? Plus, I made sure her appointment was right before mine in the hopes I'd catch her on the way out of the spa and have the chance to be warned to RUN AWAY!!! if needed.

When I arrived, I was told someone was just getting instructions on using the booth so it would be just a little while. Turns out it was Tina because soon, she came down the hall looking...well, let's face it...not any tanner than when I'd seen her at work. Apparently it does take a while for the color to actually develop, but I was wondering where my instant tan was. She relayed her experience with the only admonition being not to forget the hair net as she had, but otherwise, it was painless. Judging from her account of her time in the booth, she left out a few details.

When it was my turn, the staff member explained the process and showed how to apply the barrier cream that would keep dry skin and hands/nails from absorbing too much tanner. It should be goopy, she said. Before she left, she asked if I wanted "clear" or "bronze" tanner. Apparently, the bronze version put a little color on immediately while the actual tanner develops the end color. I went for the bronze option. After she left, I donned my hair net so there was no way I would forget it and lotioned up. Once I thought I'd done a particularly goopy job, I waved my hand in front of the sensor and stepped in the booth.

"Spraying will commence in 5 seconds." I assumed the position as she'd shown me and prepared for the cool blast of mist I knew would be coming. I'd been warned not to scrunch my eyes when it hit, so I was making a conscious effort not to. But that was the LONGEST FIVE SECONDS EVER!!! The anticipation of the first blast was causing me to scrunch my face more and more as I waited. Once it finally hit, I had to remind myself to relax so I didn't get scrunch marks. When the process had been explained, I was told it would spray "up and down, up and down, up and down." After the third round, I expected it to stop. I don't know how many more times it went up and down, but it was definitely more than three. The theory is that it's safe to breathe, but who can remember to breathe when you're surrounded by suffocating, nasty-tasting mist and being shot with cold jets? And that was just the front side! The back was much easier since at least I wasn't being sprayed in the face, but by then, the booth is so full of mist, it might as well be spraying you in the face.

Once the door opened, I stepped out, dried off, and made my second appointment for Friday to make sure I have the best tan possible before we leave on Saturday.

The next morning, I was putting in my contacts and noticed my thumbs were orange! Apparently my definition of goopy and the correct definition weren't the same thing. From my hands, I looked to my feet, which were just about as bad. No where else seemed to be orange, so I tried to exfoliate the orange off. It didn't really help. I chalked it up to a learning curve and just accepted it. Thankfully, a few showers later and some more exfoliating, and my hands and feet have pretty much returned to normal. I was told that in my first shower, it would look like a lot was coming off - and it did - but that was just the bronzer. But apparently my hands and feet absorbed more bronzer than anywhere else and they needed a few extra washings.

So, I'll be keeping my follow-up appointment on Friday and will not skimp in any way, shape, or form on the barrier cream. All this to avoid tan lines in my swimsuit...